survive_style_five's Xanga

Farewell Ninang....

Tue, 10 Nov 2009 08:39:38 GMT

Farewell Ninang... I will always remember you and keep you in my heart.

Even though I feel I lost an important person in my life, I'm pleased that her pain has came to an end. Everyone I had talked to that knew my Aunt told me that she had a smile in her eye. She had this way about her, where she would always smile and crack a joke. Whenever I did something odd, she'd shrug her shoulders and call me silly.

I do miss her but I know she wouldn't want me to be sad too long, if at all. I said in my Words of Remembrance for her that she'll never be truly gone as long as I can remember her smile and humor. Her son and I have grown much closer. Even though we're cousins, we were always together where me and my brother feels as if he's our third brother.

And I'm especially grateful to Qiao, for being by my side... even though she still has a wedding to plan, I.E. ours.

And I cannot forget my friends who offered their well wishes and prayers.

Thank you all...

Saturday, October 31, 2009

Sat, 31 Oct 2009 03:21:22 GMT

I'm rehashing an old entry I wrote back in June, regarding cancer... and how much it sucks...

******

I sometimes find myself questioning God's existence but at the same time praying...

Ever heard of the story of Job? The devil goes to God and tells him, man only worships you because everything is good. God said, "nuh-uh". So God and the devil makes a little bet and they bet everything on a man named Job.

God then turns Job's life into shit. Taking away his wealth, killing his family, and then making him sick. All the while, Job never lost his faith. "The good Lord giveth, the good Lord taketh..." or some shit.

So God was basically all, "In your face BYTCH" to the devil.

Here's the kicker... and this isn't in the Book of Job...

So Job, after all is said and done, and he's in the kingdom of God, asks Him, "Why Lord... Why me?"

"Well Job" God answers, "There's just something about you that pisses me off..."

Sometimes I think... there is no devil... just God when he's drunk.

As negative as that sounds, I wondered if there was another meaning to this.

The good Lord gives, and the good Lord takes.

Life is fleeting and for that moment, it's times like this that we should slow down and REALLY appreciate what we have, who we have, for the short time that they're allowed with us. I always thought I had forever but I know realistically that's not right. Death is apart of the life cycle.... and as painful as it may be, it reminds us that we should cherish what little time we have.

When I was little, an hour seemed long and a year seemed like forever. As I'm much older now, time progresses much faster and a year can feels very similar to my childhood hours.

*********

I wrote this in regards for my aunt who was going through cancer. She passed away today... er yesterday. I still can't believe it... Life really is too short... so we have to make best with what little time we have.

Today, I watched water boil. My aunt used to tell me if I tried to watch water boil, it wouldn't. I just kept staring into the pot, watching lines form along the bottom of the pot, until bubbles began to rise rapidly.

I keep telling myself I shouldn't be sad and that she's in a better place now and her suffering has ended. I keep telling myself that... but I can't help but be sad...

Irony?

Wed, 21 Oct 2009 03:55:59 GMT

I guess this is irony.

This is my newest toy, thanks to Qiao. The Diana F+. She thinks it's a piece of shit, I think it's awesome. She also got for herself the Fuji Instax Mini 25. Also, with my Diana, Qiao also got me the Instant Back+, which can pop out Fuji Instax Instant Film.

When I first opened it up, it was a bit overwhelming. Shooting is kinda difficult also and I forget to remove the lens cap more often than naught.

Anyway, this shot was taken with my 30D with a wide angle lens and I placed the Diana's flash with my 30D to get that weird light. Overall, it's pretty fun.

Fun fact, Qiao and I had our engagement session with Kelsey. I brought the Diana F+. That's like brining a cell phone camera from the late 90's to a photoshoot. HAHA

Monday, October 19, 2009

Mon, 19 Oct 2009 05:30:25 GMT

Usually I'm scared and terrified of cats. But this one was kinda cute.

Monday, October 12, 2009

Mon, 12 Oct 2009 06:04:20 GMT

This was taken almost two months ago. I've been a bit lazy about posting photography lately the more Qiao and I get into the business, though SPX and planning our wedding had something to do with it.

It's a little less than two more months before we tie the knot and I'm extremely glad for the support Qiao has given me. I don't know how I could have gotten through this weekend without her.

Sunday, October 11, 2009

Sun, 11 Oct 2009 06:40:20 GMT

I always wanted to do this. I kept telling myself I'll get around to it. Sometimes I feel my life is full of things I want to do, but most probably never will.

I had set the tripod in my backseat, aimed it forward, and as I was driving back from DC to Maryland, I fired shots randomly with a remote trigger.

I probably didn't need to have the ISO all the way down to 100 though.

What has happened to me?

What has happened? I sometimes compare myself to years before. When I used to blog under a different name, I felt I was more expressive and inspired. Now, it's hard for me to conjure up a decent paragraph.

I wondered if I had just lost my voice or if I've just become boring.

Truth of the matter is, I'm not young anymore. The world is no longer filled with awe and wonder. I've got a steady job and I'm just getting pushed through the motions. Wake up, go to work, go home, sleep. Wash, rinse, repeat.

I sometimes regret deleting my old journals. In a way, that's kind of like suicide...

I've been feeling more inspired lately and my one fear is that I'm afraid of losing that feeling...

I don't want to be pushed through life... I'm afraid I'll miss something important...

B-boys

Mon, 05 Oct 2009 03:23:16 GMT

Saturday, I got a chance to check out Crafty Bastards. Fun stuff. There was a break-dancing competition and lots of interesting stuff.

Something that a few friends and I have always been advised by many, is that if we want to pursue art, we should relocate to New York or California. People fail to realize that the Metro DC area has a pretty strong art community as well. Sure, we may be a bit more political at times, due to the area, but we're still pretty strong. It's funny, because as I start to frequent these type of events more often, I begin to see familiar faces and names.

Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Wed, 30 Sep 2009 04:58:31 GMT

SPX is done with and it's back to photography. Aside from Mararac Photography, we're also trying to bring up the Hubris Project, which will be reopening in Janurary 2010.

If it's not one thing, it's another. And for once, I'm saying that like it's a good thing.

Also, coming up this week is the DC Asian Pacific American Film Festival. Anyone in the DC area is encouraged to check it out. My good buddy, Jeff Man took part in the opening film, 9500 Liberty.

Friday, September 25, 2009

Fri, 25 Sep 2009 06:38:58 GMT

I hate you Murphy's Law. AARRGGHH

Right before SPX.

So I got the prints REDONE, after a close call with a screw up from Kinkos. I waived the proofs b/c I thought they would do it right, plus I was pressed for time... and what happens, Kinkos does hte cover WELL... but messes up the entire inside of the book. I was too much of a rush this morning that I didn't notice till on my way to work.

I ended up printing everything myself with better quality paper and my future brother in law printed out the cover for me, so I'm still in the game.

I wasn't blown so much with the money wasted (though, I kinda am), I'm more blown by my own stupidity due to the rush and how I felt I wasted Qiao's effort to push me to complete this. I've never had someone so determine to push me to my limits and then some.

I think I can rest tonight. Here is a sneak peak. Basically, page two with text and the cover...

I already am starting the next comic, and hopefully it'll be much earlier... WOOT.

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Tue, 22 Sep 2009 01:13:42 GMT

A sneak peek at Oxon Hill Kung Fu Club, that will be on sale at SPX. I'm right now struggling to lay down the screen tones. I gotta get back to work before Qiao yells at me for not doing the comic thing...